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Human
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Scientific classification
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia
Order Primates
Family Hominidae


Tribe Hominini


Genus Homo
Species H. sapiens
Binomial name Homo sapiens
Subspecies Homo sapiens sapiens

"Heaven and Hell suppose two distinct species of men, the Good and the Bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue.” ~David Hume

Humans are by far the majority of the population on rrrather. Humans are the only intelligent species, known by humans, to exist in the universe. Humans have dominated this world for thousands of years.

History Edit

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." ~H.G. Wells

The exact age of the species is disputed. Some say humans have existed for about 200,000 years, with modern humans for the last 50,000. Others say that humans have only existed for roughly 6000 years. Around 3300 BCE man started a civilization in ancient Mesopotamia. Skip 5000 years into the furure and the USA was born. It was a lawless land of crime and curruption. Actually, it still is. Then one day Canada was born when USA refused early Canadians and so Canada's founding fathers proclaimed, "we'll make our own country. With Blackjack! And Hookers!" And thus began the greatest nation on Earth: Canada.

Types of humans Edit

"Ah, that's one thing about our Harry. Doesn't play any favorites! Harry hates everybody. Limeys, micks, hebes, fat dagos, niggers, honkies, chinks, you name it." ~DiGeorgio, Dirty Harry

There are many types of humans out there. Their traits have been specifically adapted to suit their environment. Some include:

  • Caucasian
  • Jewish
  • Asian
  • Darker Asian
  • Inuit
  • Italian
  • Black
  • Really black
  • Black hole black
  • Purple black
  • Spotted black
  • Arabic
  • American

Culture Edit

"Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It's called Footloose. And in it a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is." ~Peter Quill, Guardians of the Galaxy

Humans have a very odd culture. Unlike most organisms, humans prefer to be clothed. This is most likely due to their lack of hair. Humans are the laughing stock of the primate order due to their lack of hair. A male with a lot of body hair is considered to be an alpha male and is highly desired by female humans. Humans are quite fascinated with sexual intercourse. It has been estimated that a human loses its virginity at around the age of 16. Most dogs, for example, don't even live that long. There are three main forms of sex: traditional, sodomy, and Japanese.

Traditional sex Edit

Traditional sex is regular, missionary, vaginal sex between a male and a female. The female is not allowed to make any sounds during sex. In fact. facial expressions of pleasure are frowned upon. This form of sex continues until the male orgasms and is abruptly stopped.

Sodomy Edit

Sodomy is all regular sex that isn't traditional. This includes: gay sex, oral sex, orgies, masturbation, snake pit, bukkake, interracial, etc. In the past sodomy was widely accepted. This was until God got jealous of all the humans having kinky sex in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, and thus burned them to the ground. Recently, sodomy has began a comeback and is now universally practised by today's youth.

Japanese sex Edit

Japanese sex is pretty much everything else. This includes: gang rape, tenticle sex, interspecies sex, virtual sex, etc. If the sex makes you nauseous then it is probably Japanese. Japan progressed separately outside of Western influence and developed some scary sh*t. It is common for a female to have sex with an octupus in Japan.

War Edit

"War... War never changes." ~Ron Perlman, in the beginning of every Fallout game.

Humans have been going to war since before civilization. It has been said that a child learns how to kill while still in the whom. Humans like to assert that they invented war, but that has been proven false. Scientists discovered that during the Jurassic period a large reptile known as the Bardus Lacerta would cover itself in dung and fight using small, sharp trees. It is believed the fight was over who had the largest reproductive organ. Regardless, man is a master of war. Some important catalysts of war include:

  • Religion
  • Religion
  • Religion
  • Religion
  • Territorial conflicts and/or expansion
  • Striving for freedom
  • Ideological conflicts
  • Jihadism
  • Control over resources
  • Hot women

99.9% of wars are caused by religion. War is frowned upon and supported by society. Talk about doublethink. Males are the common fighters in war while the females stay behind and cheat on their partners. It is not uncommon for a male to come home to his 6 month pregnant girlfriend after a 9 month tour.

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